A Completely Random Waste of Time
by plude
Summary: Heero Yuy is used to calculating every portion of his day, but finds it irritating that one braided pilot seems to be rather random and uncalculable. 01x02x01


I wrote this ficlet years ago. I just found it on an old disc and thought I would post it.

Warnings: Slash/Yaoi main pairing

Pairing: 01x02x01

Disclaimer: "Gundam Wing" and all related characters belong to Bandai Entertainment.

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A Completely Random Waste of Time in an Otherwise Sane and Rationally Planned Out Hour

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Duo Maxwell... an enigma of randomness and complete and utter inefficiency. This... boy from colony cluster L2 completely and totally manages to elude all sense of logic and order yet somehow manages to function in almost complete efficiency when placed in Gundam Deathscythe. How is it possible that a complete baka who wastes such large amounts of time on things such as pop culture and things such as decorating dorms can be so completely and utterly savant at the very same time?

For and example of his stupidity, the baka puts his shoes on in different orders at different times!!! Sometimes, he will put on both socks and then the right shoe followed by the left, and sometimes, he'll put on one sock and one shoe and then the other sock and the other shoe. Sometimes, he even puts on one sock and will then have to search for another one! How is it possible that one so clueless in habits as simple as getting one's self dressed can calculate complicated mathematical equations used to keep from exploding upon impact with the earth?!

Somehow, he manages to completely and totally elude all sense of reason or purpose while completely fulfilling his own purpose. It's as if he's so categorically ingenious that all of his random acts are perfectly placed so that he might perfectly blend with the schooled fish of the society on earth while sticking completely out like an orange dot in a series of blue. But, the wisdom of it is that he's so obvious he's under perfect cover. It's completely ludicrous. He does "victory dances" every time he scores a point in basketball during class!

By "victory dances" I mean the idiot actually throws down the ball and begins to wiggle his pelvis as if someone dropped something in his pants that he was trying to shake out. Then he spins on one foot, usually the right one, and lands only to stick his index and middle fingers into the air in what he calls a "victory symbol". This whole process takes a good 22.346 seconds out of class time on average, and yet this complete and utter waste of time isn't only applauded which takes another 11.342 seconds on average, but is also allowed by the school and even encouraged! It's outrageous and foolish. Why would someone waste such time on such a thing?!

That's not all... Yesterday, I arrived at the base to see the idiot... the one I was just describing... actually managed to completely flatten the base before I even arrived. It's infuriating! And, for some reason it seems where ever I show up to attend school undercover he's there already or he arrives a day later.

I just don't comprehend how someone so completely insufficient at time can be so completely and totally efficient and sometimes even a step ahead of even me. It's incalculable!

There's another thing too. I'm reluctant to type of such a strange occurrence even though only I will see it, but... Last night he came in from a mission excessively late. I was in bed, however obviously his presence awoke me. He smelled of blood, gun oil, and jet fuel which of course is common for a mission. Just as I had decided no imminent threat was near and was about to return to partial sleep I heard his footsteps go not to his bed but towards mine. I, of course, reached under my pillow for my gun, wondering if he'd decided I was some sort of hindrance to his mission here. I was ready to alleviate his life in order to protect my own mission when my ears and nostrils detected no gun being pulled. It was very curious indeed for the next thing I knew he was removing his shoes from the sound and tossing them somewhere in the vicinity of his side of the room before suddenly sitting and then laying down in my bed next to me. This was quite peculiar and suspicious. So, I did what any efficient, intelligent, and rational being would do. I pulled out my gun and held it to his temple while choking him with my other arm as I demanded to know just what he was doing. His response was even more bazaar. I surely would have pulled my own gun and tried to free myself from such a predicament, but he simply began to yell and carry on calling **me **crazy! When I asked him what he was doing again he turned all red and his body temperature rose two and three fourths degrees. He didn't answer me. He just told me to "chill", whatever that means, and tried to lower my gun. Well, there was no way I was about to lower my gun in light of his clearly less than rational behavior. We stayed like that a very long time, him laying atop me, my left arm around his neck as my right pointed a silenced gun to his temple. After approximately fourteen minutes and thirty-eight seconds he asked me if I was really going to kill him, and if so why I was taking so long. He then began to giggle. It was aberrant! Why **hadn't** I killed him?! Why had I just been laying there all that time trying to decide what to do?! It made no sense. It was a complete waste of time and energy. What had I been doing? Had his imbecilic behavior of the past few months worn off on me and caused me to loose all sense of rationality? This revelation left me helplessly confused and before I knew what had happened the baka had tugged himself free and was making his way to his own bed which he climbed in and rolled over to look at me. All he did after that was ask me if I was ever going to answer him. When I did not he went to sleep. I was up the rest of the night trying to find an answer just for myself. It was preposterous!

No... I'm doing it again, aren't I? How is it possible this idiot has gotten to me so much that I'm wasting my time and energy typing about him in a time that is otherwise normally set up to type down and collect my thoughts about the missions so that I might become more efficient at them by identifying mistakes?!

Unless... Perhaps it is that this imbecile is an endangerment to my mission potentially. No. That cannot be it. I'm merely rationalizing my utter distraction from the things important. He is only a danger to my mission if I allow him to influence my efficiency of thought and production by distracting me. I shall simply try and ignore his further ludicrous ministrations. I will start by stopping this typing. It is a foolish waste of my time and has already taken twenty-two minutes and seventeen seconds from my set aside hour for essential mission analysis.

Why am I still typing? I'm wasting more indispensable set aside time for mission comprehension and dissection. I must stop... I'm stopping now.

Why did I type that? What's happening to me? No more. I won't let him get to me any more.

This has to stop right **now**.


End file.
